


I will follow

by adnarim97



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age II, Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Its christmas morning and i wrote this and made myself sad, M/M, i have so many sad headcanons about anders/hawke..., this is one of many i tried to wrote out
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-24
Updated: 2016-12-24
Packaged: 2018-09-11 16:00:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 453
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8997430
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/adnarim97/pseuds/adnarim97
Summary: Anders is trying to deal with Hawke's fate





	

There are days when you think you're fine. You wake, fix yourself up and continue your life, just like you've done many times before. You go through your routines, without much trouble. Maybe, today will be better, you think. Maybe, today will be easier.   
It is, for some time, but once you acctually start thinking about everything, it suddenly gets hard. It all gets pointless, doesn't it? You're alone now. He's not with you any longer. So then... Why are you here? Clinging on to some meaningless hope? 

Nothing is impossible, besides he's Hawke, he've lived through worse, haven't he? And he promised, he said you'd see him soon again, you'd only be apart for a couple of weeks.   
Yet now it's been... How many days? How many weeks? Somehow time seem to move so awfully slow, but at the same time it wasn't possible to keep track of it.   
Oh Maker, for all my faults and mistakes, for everything I have done wrong in my life, he was... He was one of the few good things I had left. He held me through the darkest night's, and was by my side through even more. I would have gladly given myself up for him, so why Maker, why did you take him? It should have been me, I should have been with him, I should have...  
Grief, despair and guilt. It was consuming me. The pain didn't fade, it didn't get easier. Just, sometimes I could... Pretend for a short time. However, I was never any good at it.  
And the dreams kept getting worse. Every night I was welcomed with the same shadow, just a figure, a man without a face. He was always taunting me, repeating the same things I think for myself during the days. Why did I let him leave? Why wasn't I with him? Why is he gone and not me? Why, why, why? The shadow was always around me, and we were always alone, his accusing words surrounding me. 

When even your own dreams are hell you start to wonder where to turn. Where to go, what to do?   
You keep repeating to yourself: just keep busy, find a way. Search every document you can find about the fade, ask every knowing soul you can find, search the fade yourself. He's out there, he isn't dead, he's just... Stuck, in there. You have to save him somehow. You travel, you search, you ask, but nothing is found. The fade is endless, and ever changing. 

Yet you don't give up, even if everything is against you, even your own dreams. Because he saved you, so many times, this time you want to be the one to save him.


End file.
